hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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