Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
