i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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