my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
