Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
