By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
