my vag is so smooth its legendary
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
