I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
