i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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