whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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