I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
