So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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