i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
