Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
