I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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