Duck Duck Cougar?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
