new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just invented taco cereal.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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