I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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