And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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