Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
