Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
