Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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