Are we in a gay sports bar?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
