Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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