the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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