you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
