Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize