Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
