this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
