Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
