Just cropdusted the office
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize
