sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
