Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
