Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
