this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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