why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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