Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
