I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
