please come you make the beer taste better
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
