Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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