chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
