At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
wow bdsm is so cute
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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