Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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