i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
