I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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