I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
