I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
