i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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