I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
