Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
