And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize
