Christians are straight up FREAKS
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
