I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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