So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
