you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
