dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
