A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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