Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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