Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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