Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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