I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
