I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
