Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
