My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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