A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
