I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
