I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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