Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
