well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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