I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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